Should One Ask a Trans Person…

A Buzz Feed article stated that a question that people should not ask a transgender person is which bathroom they use. Perhaps, however, rather than going around telling people that it is a question to avoid asking, it’s time to ask why people are asking that question.

The answer is simple: People still need to be educated about why queer and transgender people need unisex or gender neutral toilets. With gendered toilets in existence, or with the stereotypical teachings telling them that only people of certain genders (which people tend to associate with genitals) can enter those toilets, this question gives queer and transgender people a chance to explain.

Gendered toilets mean more than segregation based on genitalia. Toilets are a symbol of how queer and transgender people have needs that are not being met. Queer and transgender people, unlike those who associate themselves with binary gender identities, are seldom acknowledged or understood in so many cases. They need to go to a toilet they can feel comfortable in, just like every other person in society. If a gendered person can have gendered toilets, why can’t queer and transgender people have unisex or gender-neutral toilets?

I implore any person who is queer or transgender not to pass on a chance to educate people about what it’s like to go to a gendered toilet and not feel welcome or comfortable about it. People who are transgender know better than anyone who isn’t transgender about being transgender. They are the people who can educate non-transgender people about what it’s like to live as a transgender person.

Once information becomes more widespread and it becomes general knowledge, maybe people will never have to ask the question about toilets to another queer and transgender person again. Maybe people will begin to understand why queer and transgender people need unisex or gender-neutral toilets. We will be one step closer to our aim of being acknowledged and respected in society.

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Want to educate? This is your chance. Write to us and tell us your story.

Story 2: A Woman Who Used The Men’s Room To Avoid Me

Transgender woman, Tennessee resident and social media expert Jenny Taylor wrote about her experience of going to the toilet in a blog post titled
A Woman Who Used The Men’s Room To Avoid Me. As seen in the title, a woman used the men’s toilet just to avoid her. Perhaps having unisex toilets with fully covered cubicles would have been a possible solution to Jenny’s problem. With unisex toilets, those who are questioning their gender identity and experimenting with their status as a transgender person would be able to enter without making other people feel uncomfortable. Have a read of her story and tell us what you think about it.

Trans Student at Columbus High Speaks Out

A few quotes stuck with me when I read this article.

“The students don’t see me as a person,” said Damien Greenlee, junior.

On a daily basis, queer and transgender people have to deal with the risk of getting disapproving eyes and abusive remarks. I use the word ‘risk’ because while it doesn’t happen every day, it does have a higher risk of happening in gendered toilets, where people think that opposite sexes need their own private toilet space.

Of course, I do not object to the idea of gendered toilets. However, when these toilets put queer and transgender people in higher risk of facing discrimination and abuse, it’s up to authorities to take action and minimise these risks. Risk can be minimised with the installation of unisex or gender-neutral toilets, because people have no right to kick people of other genders out if they know they will enter a space with people of different gender identities. This would even increase their exposure to queer and transgender people. Exposure is key to attitude change. The idea that some do not identify with the sex or gender they were assigned at birth needs to be normalized.

“I had no bathroom that I could go to,” Greenlee said. “The bathroom that I’m going to now is a storage unit.” … no lock on the door and a leaking ceiling.

If I were treated like that as a queer person, I would feel like I have no place in society and that everyone is telling me to go in hiding. I ain’t Gollum for Pete’s sake, don’t force me into a cave. Queer and transgender people are normal human beings and they should be treated as such.

“The teachers have gotten mad at me because I have told them it was going to take me maybe ten minutes to go from class, to the bathroom and back,” Greenlee said.

First they force a student to go to a toilet that’s far away, then they get mad at the student for being too troublesome. Anyone sense some irony in this situation? They could have made life easier for the student and themselves by letting the student use gendered toilets in the meantime, then build unisex or gender-neutral toilets so that everyone’s happy.

We all need to pee, help us skip to the loo.

Story 1 Chapter 3: Slouch and Don’t Talk

After I shaved my hair and got fed up with being stared at in female toilets, I started going to the male toilets. It was a different experience, since I had not been to the toilet of the opposite sex before. I decided to post a status on going into the male toilets for the first time. I remember the first comment being whether or not I had seen their private parts. So, let me address that fundamental misconception here, publicly. I wasn’t going there because I wanted to look at something different; I was going there because I didn’t want people to stare at me.

At first, I got used to it and thought I had found the solution, but it didn’t take long before I realised I was wrong. As any UNSW student would probably know, buildings are the most populated have ground-level toilets. The more easily accessible they are, the more crowded or dirty they’d be. I was in a hurry, so I just walked into the crowded male toilets. I couldn’t use the urinals, but the people in the cubicles were taking too long. So, I decided to walk out. Then, I did something I should not have done: I spoke. I spoke when I almost bumped into someone on my way out and said “sorry”. Normally, apologizing would be the right thing to do, but it made everyone realise I was not born male. Although I was on my way out anyway, I could sense the awkwardly tense atmosphere. No one would think I said so because I walked into the wrong toilet, since I was in there for quite a while before I decided to walk out.

Since then, I realised I either had to force myself to cope with stares from females, or walk into less crowded male toilets even when I desperately need to go to the toilet. Going to toilets was no longer easy and comfortable as it should be, which was really unfair for a queer person like me.

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Did you read the previous chapter about what happens when a queer person born female walks into a female toilet? Find out here.

Story 1 Chapter 2 Bonus: At a Festival with Shaved Hair

Since Defqon.1 Australia 2014 is on this weekend, I decided to publish bonus stories of toilet experiences of a queer person who has been to different music festivals. I have a reason to believe that music festivals are where queer people can face discriminatory, offensive or odd comments, because of the way people who go to festivals are presented in the media. It’s always half-naked buff dudes and chicks in crop tops or bikinis that get the most attention, which can really distort people’s view on how they should be dressed at a festival. Means trouble for a queer person sometimes. Hope you find the bonus stories for this week interesting.

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There was this one time where I went to an underage music festival as a reporter, dressed in a t-shirt and baggy trousers. I heard someone telling their group of friends something along the lines of: Look at that chick in t-shirt and trousers, or something. They seemed to be under the impression that men should be topless and women should be in crop tops or short dresses, like they’re uniforms. It’s very problematic. Then, when I went to another festival dressed like a dude with a cap, a guy came to me and said something about me looking gay. I couldn’t hear him properly, so I just brushed my shoulder with a pout and wasn’t too bothered by it. For some reason, the group went OOOOHHH!

Let’s go a bit further into the past. Things get worse as I go further. I went to my first rave with shaved hair and an oversized hoodie. When I got out of the toilet and past the change room, the girl said: “Excuse me, this is the girls toilet.” I pulled my hoodie back to show them my figure and she apologised after that. The second person to make a remark on my entrance was more blunt. While I was in the cubicle, they banged on the door outside and said: “Get out of the girls’ toilet!” Then, laughed as he walked off.

That being said, not all people at festivals are bad. Some have politely asked if I was lesbian out of curiosity, some have approached to talk to me or asked me to join them since I go to festivals alone. However, isn’t it disturbing to know that some teenagers and adults don’t seem to know how to treat queer people with respect? Or, maybe, those teenagers might grow into those disrespectful adults?

I really wish music festivals had both gendered and unisex toilets too, really.

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Which Toilet?